ORGANIZED IGNORANCE

One of my biggest peeves with Lakewood and Right Wing Orthodox soceity in general, is the abysmal, lacadaisical atitude towards learning for women.

The famous principle of 'Col Hamalamud Es Bito Torah..Kiilu Melamed Es Tiflus" is grossly distorted and m,isunderstood to mean that women are proscribed from any intellectual Jewish experience. Sure, there is some form of diluted Jewish studies in school from K-8 , and even Semilnary, if your very lucky. Although, now it seems thats many individuals are starting to feel that even Seminary is an extravagent luxury. The economy is in the doldrums, so why should so much money be wasted on mere girls.

But, this is all basically, just 'school' . It isnt an intellectual rel-ship with our beautiful and rich heritge. Part of it is human nature. If you give any group or soceity be they be men, women, blacks, whites, or Aluetian eskimos, permission not to learn, the basic desire to be lazy will kick in. Then you add to that, a social undercurrent and philosphy, that says its not only permissible for women not to learn, but even laudatory if she doesnt. Obviously, what you will get is a community of young girls and women who are totally shallow, self-absorbed, materialistic, and devoid of spirituality and enthusiasm for yiddishkeit. Then so many Rebbetzins and Rabbonim, bemoan the fact that many girls are chasing after Fresnch designers who are the antithesis of our culture and values, and wearing very immodest outfits and styles. Gee!!!, I wonder why... Their solution: more inane sppeches, regurgitating the same guidelines we have all had shoved down our throat since we were little from childish pamplets.

Good luck with that. Thats like, using cremes and ointments for a severe rash, when a powerful antbiotic taking orally is required. Actually, I am amazed that so many women keep any degree of tznius, considering how spiritually malnourished they are.

Recently, I went to a 'shiur' that probably should of been called a social get-together or 'girls-nite-out' . I have a good mind to sue them for fraudelent advertising. A very prominent Lakewood Rebbitzen, was giving a lecture and asking us for topics to talk about. When, I mentioned, 'How about Mesilas Yesharim', she said, "we arent going to sink our teetth into that..What does that mean exactly?? I would really like to know. Instead she decided to put on a heimishe version of the Martha Stewart show... ITS (NOT) A GOOD THING...

Rav Yosha Ber Soloveitchek (affecctionately known as the Rov), said thst in our times, women should learn all forms of Torah. I realize thats a very controversial opinion, but I also refuse to believe that there is anyone walking the streets of Lakewood that comes up to the Rov's toenails in Torah knowledge and genius.

Even, in basic Tanach and Halacha, the Shulchan Aruch HaRav wriiten by the the Baal HaTanya says that if a man learned everything a women should learn, he would be
called HaRav HaGaon.

Reb Chaim Brisker writes that a person who doesnt know the 13 Cardinal Principles of our faith (Yud Gimmel Ikkarim), is an apikorus, because, 'a nebach apikorus is also an apikorus' .If you dont review the basic elements of Yahdus, daily, you wont know them, its that simple.

I was never a conspiracy-theorist, but I'm really starting to feel that this all a brilliantly diabolical scheme on the part of the powers that be and the old boys network, to intentionally keep the women ignorant. This has been in every totalitarian system throughout history, from ancient Greece and Rome, to the surfdoms of medieval europe, to the old pre-Civil War south to many 3rd countries today. You keep one segment of the population ignorant so they can be overworked and exploited and support the comfortable lifestyle of the other segment.

Obviously, you can use the old ruthless methods of the old South. So you devise a more cunning plan. You make very exquisite women's events that are all show and no substance. Have very fancy nouveaux cuisine food served, along with frivolous airhead sppeches that talk about the wonderful Nashim Tzidkonius who support their husbands in Yeshiva, as well as, keeping BMG Inc..'s bottom line healthy before they need a bail-out too. If too many women started to seriously learn what they are allowed to according to all opinions, there might be a collective, "Wait just a second, we want to be cut in for a bigger piece of the action". Then the syndicate would be in serious trouble.

Ironically, when I discuss this with other ladies, they are more outraged and offended by my feelings and thoughts then the men are. Some of said, I am too busy with my children to think of such nonsense.. Or I dont worry about that, thats why I have a happier life then you. Translation : 'Dem der nigger just dont know his place' .

This truely saddens me, because Yiddishkeit is so rich and beautiful. The more I learn online, the more angry and disgusted I become with ORGANIZED IGNORANCE...

Call The Men In The White Coats

I had a wonderful time over Succos. Unfortunately ( or fortunately, if you consider the comic relief value), I met some rather interesting characters.

A friend of mine really worked overtime, laboriously for months, making a Shidduch. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy , blaaaa blaa, blaaa. Wonderful, they get engaged. Dont say Mazal Tov, just yet. One set of in-laws was adamant that the Choson wear his payos up, the other was just as adamant that he wear them down. Ultimately, it proved to be such a bone of contention that the engagement was called off. After much heated negotiation and mediation, they got back together. Even though, the Shadchan was in Israel on business, they were cajoled into proceding , as its such a volatile situation, it was too risky to wait . I kid you not. I thought of the perfect compromise. How about, one payos up, and one payos down..

At one of the meals, one of the guests warmly greeted someone she hadnt seen for quite a while, "Chava Sara, how are you". Chava Sara was furious and demanded to know, who told her that her full name is Chava Sara. It seems that she only goes by Chava, because her son is "on the market", and he wont be able to date all the lovely Sarahs out there, if it became public knowledge that her few name includes Sarah. How one innocent greeting at a Yom Tov suddenly, puts its on a neon billboard on 13th Ave, I dont quite understand. Also, if that is in fact her name, then halachically speaking, does it matter who knows and who doesnt. You iz who you iz, to quote a famous rapper.. But I guess no one informed her of that, or maybe she was just too busy shopping.

Finally, we have Bais Yacob's finest and brightest..NOT.. Her wishlist is a "stark" learning boy, who learn and intends to take up space permanently in the finest yeshivas in the world. However, he should also be more handsome then Leonardo DiCaprio and come from a very wealthy family. Personally, I think she needs a wizard who can wave a magic wand, and SHAZAM transform, a spoiled, shallow, superficial Paris Hilton wannabee into a bas Yisroel.. Now that would be some feat.

I hope everyone elses's Yom Tov was equally amusing, and entertaining. Seriously, "AVINU MALKEINU SHELACH REFUAH SHLEIMA L CHOLEI AMECHA"

Top Girl

Over Shabbos, I met my friend's sister for the first time since she came back from Seminary. Naturally, the first question is do you know of a shidduch. In the course of telling me what her wish-list is, she said that rather irritating phrase I hear all too often. "I'm looking for money, or I want a very good bochur, because I'm a top girl".

Which got me to thinking, what exactly is a top-girl. This girl isn't exactly a raving beauty, she is of average looks, she isn't the valedictorian, or the biggest genius in her class. Her family is very nice, and real baalei-chesed, but her father isn't exactly a Rosh Yeshiva or an Adom Godol, nor is he very affluent, by any stretch of the imagination. He is a very sweet, geshmak near-do-well.. In terms of tznius, I wouldn't say that she is lacking in this area , relatively speaking, in this very weak generation, however, she isn't a paragon or a role-model in this area either.

So what exactly makes someone a "top-girl". Based on a very simple perfunctory understanding of Mesillas Yesharim, I would think that someone who announces, "I'm a top-girl, by definition is a bottom-girl. By the obvious presence of excessive 'gaiva' or arrogance , and sheer void of understanding on the simplest level of what the Mussar seforim say.

In short, I'm at a losss to understand, what is a "top-girl" .. Maybe it is the most thoroughly indoctrinated, the girl who thinks the least, because her chip-implant is entirely intact. Basically, the future Collel-wife, who will be the least controversial and threatening . In other words, a perfectly, submissive drone in the BMG collective.

I wish her all the brocha and hatzlacha in the world, and it is my sincerest desire that she grow to actually become a "top-girl" the way the Torah and our sages have always defined that, rather then merely in the cultural, colloquial sense..

More Lakewood Games

Ok, I have been enjoying my vacation and retirement for a while now. Also, I didn’t feel I really had much to write about.

But now my blood is boiling, so I’m forced to post. Personally, I honestly, don’t see what all the fuss is about with the girl’s high schools. The smartest thing the girls who weren’t accepted and the families can do is go to an out-of-town High school. The secular education is absolutely abysmal. I know all the self-righteous hypocritical terds will disparage that. That is until, you successfully, complete college, get an advanced degree and a lucrative career. Then these selfsame characters, are the very first to be picking your pockets like a pack of vultures. I have yet to meet one professional girl or married woman tell me that her money wasn’t accepted by one of the Mosdos. Let’s face it they aren’t teaching the girls Torah, chas v’shalom, so at least give them a decent, adequate secular education. Since that obviously, isn’t going to happen so fast, those girls who are forced to go to an out-of-town high school are actually the lucky ones in my perception.

For those, who do not feel that way, the following solutions might be just the fix needed. Admittedly, they are rather hardball and draconian, but desperate times call for desperate measures. All the parents should band together as a sign of achdus and ahavas yisroel, since it is Elul. At the very least, all parents that have had to deal with this aggravation and heartache at one time or other, should refuse to pay tuition, building fund, or donations of any kind for a month for each week that this nonsense continues. When the Reshoyim masquerading as hanhala for the high schools can’t pay salaries to their staff, or utilities, or mortgage, it will teach them a lesson they will not forget anytime soon.

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but due to multitude of our numerous sins, we are still in Golus., and mere guest of this country. Bh, America is a “medina shel chesed” , but there are still laws. One of them is known as the “truancy law”. If one of the parents affected, or just a resident of Lakewood, who is angry enough, were to call up the State Education dept., theoretically they could force all the girls to attend public school, until this matter is resolved. Something, tells me, that if that were to occur, all the girls would magically be accepted, faster, then the the time it takes to read this blog. Perhaps, the State of New Jersey, should hold the Roshei Yeshiva legally responsible for accessory to a crime . Namely, the violation of the Truancy law.

It is my sincere hope and wish, that all the girls are back in school this week. And that mashiach should come speedily, so this preposterous, disgusting nonsense doesn’t keep happening..

Shidduch info

I just thought I would pass along to anyone who still reads this blog, that there is a new website, which Iyh, will be a big toeles, to the many girls who are still looking for their zivug.

I saw it being advertised in most of the shuls and stores in Monsey. Since, hardly anyone seems to know about it in Lakewood, its worth mentioning..

How many times do parents and shadchanim hear the name of what sounds like a great boy, but have no idea how to find information about him? Shidduchimlist.com was created to simplify the process, and hopefully, with the help of Hashem, generate many more shidduchim for Klal Yisrael!

If this helps even one girl, I will be very happy that I posted this.

Shocked

Recently I noticed this post , which alerted me to Chana’s post .. I was a bit surprised as Im a pretty loyal reader and fan of her blog. Guess I must of missed it. I can totally relate to her experience. Chana, I really feel for you from the bottom of my heart. Even though I never met you in person I consider you to be a close friend, so I mean what Im about to say in the best possible way.

However, I would like to give my spin on it. This isn’t meant to be offensive or critical, its merely my thoughts.

My high school experiences, were somewhat similar to those described by Chana. The main difference being I didn’t go to a mild, ‘harry-ish’ Bais Yacob in Chicago. Nope, I attended a REAL hard-core girl’s HS in Lakewood, the “largest Torah citadel since Sura and Pumbadisa” (sic)… Which was way, way more repressive in every sense of the word, then the school Chana described. There were official and un-official rules, dress-codes, and policies, for just about every imaginable thing, and I broke them all.. They weren’t only mandated but in school but throughout the whole community as well.

But then a funny thing happened. I went to the city, partied a bit (maybe more then a bit, lol), had some fun, got my GED, went to a program in a Seminary in Israel , came home , spiritually as well as geographically, went to college, and eventually got married.. Then guess what…

I GREW UP……

In the nineties, the Cold War, dissipated. Suddenly the tregimes across the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe radically changed after nearly seventy years. This created unheard of freedoms of expression for vast numbers of citizens. It eventually led to the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.

The good news is that a similar phenomena is occurring in Lakewood and thruout the frum-world.Not as a result of glasnost, persestroika, diplomacy or new political policy. But rather due to new innovative technologies. After intense gender-apartheid and tremendous disparity of learning opportunities, for the haves and have-nots of yeshiva-soceity (namely men and women), my entire life, things are finally changing drastically.

There is a really beautiful thing called Kol HaLoshon. You simply dial up their phone number, follow the menu, voilla, you have access to over 70,000 shiurim. There is a myriad of lectures in a half a dozen different languages from Maggidei Shiurim around the globe on halacha, hashkafa, mussar, daf-yomi, nach,mishnayos, gammarra, etc… all at your disposa. Another mind-blowing innovating are computer kiosks that are popping up in frum communities all over the world. In Lakewood there are currently several of them, one merely needs to insert an MP3 player or Ipod in the USB port and Shazzam 1000s of shiurim on every conceivable part of Torah are yours for the taking. I always feel like a kid in a candy shop. Alternatively, one can download the software from the Kol HaLoshon web-site..

As a result of this, it causes me considerable agmas nefesh to see that lately, a lot of Chana’s posts, seemingly appear to contain a lot of Kefira . She was always a hero and role-model of mine.

For example in this post ... which is written along the lines of a morbid Edgar Allen Poe melodramatic dirge, as opposed to an essay on Torah concepts she basically says the whole point of waiting and daverning for messiah, is working toward self-extinction which no rationale person wants..



Apparently, Chana never saw the Ram in 12:4 of H' Melochim where he discusses this matter.The Raavad, immediately fumes that it is utter folly and foolishness to delve into these matters as this is something no one knows clearly, and a protracted discussion about it doesnt lead to Yiras Shomayim.The Gammarra in Sanhedrin 99a along with the commentaries pretty much concludes that there will be a nitzhiis or eternity. So I am at a loss as to where Chana got this concept of self-annihilation. Sounds very Buddhist to me..

In her post "I dont want Moshiach", she writes "or is it the body that served best".. Once again, I beg to differ, but according to an excellent shiur on Mishli that I recently heard, there is a sefer called Sefer Gilgulim, that discusses this at length. The Gra and the Netivos Mispat, both hold that the last gilgul is the come that comes to Tehiyas Maisim. As this was the gilgul that finally accomplished its mission, thus no further gilgulim were required. And even, when this unfortunately isnt the case, this is still the one that returns, despite the fact it isnt necessarily the body who served best. The Maggid Mesharim as brought by the Bais Yoisef say that all the gilgulim return and that is how we poskin.

In this very same post, she is once again pondering over total destruction of this world. This is clearly not the approach taken by all the commentaries I saw in Helek or the Rabbeinu Bechaya, or most Chassidishe seforim.

Now I could understand this and take it all with the proverbial 'grain of salt', if Chana was just your average Bais Yacob girl, whose head was filled with dress sizes, cake recipes and boys (excuse me, shidduchim, lol) . But our Chana know Tanach, and claims she always won the argument and could always beat her teachers at their own game. Yet in a number of her posts she is literally declaring loud and clear to the world that she never saw a Tanya, a Nefesh HaChayim, a Maharal, a Chovos Levovos, or even an english copy of Mictav M'Eliyahu.

In Mishli (13.2), many meforshim explain that building requires absolute clarity. The most miniscule doubts destroys one's emuna, prevents chochma.

I believe Chana's pedagogue, R Yosha Ber Soloveitchik would be the first to agree with this. Not knowing the 13 articles of faith, solidly renders one inable to believe them. As Chaim Brisker was wont to say "a nebech apokorus is oiich an apokoris" ( a heretic as result of circumstances is still a heretic) .

Chana, it is absolutely awful the way you were treated in high school. However, in order to effect change, hopefully prevent other girls from going thru what you went thru, one needs credibility and siyata d'shomaya. Constantly, saying apikorsus isnt a way to get either...

Advice Needed

I have wanted to write this for many, many weeks, but so much is going on in my life that I keep getting sidetracked.

A month or two ago I was approached in a local parking lot of a shopping center by a high school girl asking me for a ride.While I was driving her home, we got to talking, and I saw so much of myself at that age, that we ended up talking for about 3 hours. In outward appearances, and atitude, she looked pretty much like me in high school, denim skirt, nude tights with work-boots, sweat shirt and garrish necklaces.

However, Malky (obviously, not her real name), has some serious issues. For starters, she is planning on dropping out of high school, because she is failing all her classes.She claimed that this a result of severe ADD, but after an hour or so of talking, I said you seem to be able to focus on what I am saying, to which she conceded that she only does well in a one on one setting.

It is very possible that Malky and girls like her would suceed in a close peer-peer setting as opposed to large classes that are very common in all the girls high schools. Even by adult women, I have always noticed that by ladies's shiurim there is a Rebbitzen or Rabbi lecturing, and all the women just sit passively, with effect being that all but the most dedicated women tend to space out. Whereas, by mens shiurim, the Rov sits in the middle of a group of men and its very interactive.

Getting back to the subject of high schools, this resulys in a tremendous lack of self-esteem. and depression which exacerbates the situation.

Tznius is discussed in these high schools, strictly in terms of 'dont machshil boys'. Aside, from the fact that is blatantly distorting the truth, it has the effect of driving girls, specifically the ones who arent successful in school, to first rebel.When I said, you arent a hispanic girl, your a bas Yisroel, your special, dont cheapen yourself.Just like a sefer Torah is covered in a beautful mantle and hidden in an Aron HaKodesh, a Bas Yisroel is covered in a dignified way. Malka liked that approach and said she never heard it presented that way before. Then she shared with me that she and her friends occassionally spend the night with some Israeli guys. I tried to impress upon her how potentially dangerous that is. She said she knows, but her friend doesnt care.

I was somewhat shocked when she rolled up her sleeve to show me that she sometimes cuts her self. Fortunately, she claims to have stopped, because the bleeding really scared her.

It pains me greatly that I wasnt able to do more then just be an ear to listen as I dont have professional training for this sort of thing, but I would appreciate advice on dealing with situations like this.